| 60 | Zagrizen igralec strelskih igric umre in pride pred sv. Petra. Ta ga pogleda in reče: "Nič ne bo z rajem, kar v pekel!"
Čez tri dni pride do sv. Petra sam Satan, ves besen: "Kakšnega manijaka si mi poslal! V dveh dneh mi je pobil vse hudiče, pogasil ogenj, razbil vrata in ... skratka, sesul je vse! Zdaj pa že cel dan dirka po peklu in išče izhod na drugo stopnjo!" |
| 59 | Zakoni računalniških programov:
- Vsak program je zastarel že v trenutku, ko ga kupiš.
- Vsak program, ki ga boš kupil, stane več in je slabši.
- Če je program koristen, ga bo treba spremeniti.
- Če je program nekoristen, ga bo treba dokumentirati.
- Tvoj program se bo širil, dokler ne bo zapolnil vsega obstoječega spomina.
- Vrednost programa je v sorazmerju s težo rezultatov.
- Kompleksnost programa raste, dokler ne preseže sposobnosti programerja, ki ga mora vzdrževati. |
| 58 | Kakšna je razlika med prodajalcem računalnikov in prodajalcem rabljenih avtomobilov?
Prodajalec avtomobilov verjetno zna voziti. |
| 57 | Ženska v trgovini: "Iščem igro, ki bo pritegnila zanimanje mojega šestletnega sina, vendar mora biti dovolj preprosta, da jo bo lahko igral tudi njegov oče." |
| 56 | Programer stopi v dvigalo, da bi se odpeljal v dvanajsto nadstropje. Najprej pritisne 1, nato 2 in nato začne iskati ENTER. |
| 55 | Dear receiver,
You have just received a Taliban virus. Since we are not so technologically advanced in Afghanistan, this is a MANUAL virus. Please delete all the files on your hard disk and throw your PC from the first floor...
Then send this mail to everyone you know (advanced way to spread the Taliban virus).
Thank you very much for helping me.
Death to America! Death to Israel! Allah is great! |
| 54 | V avtu sedijo trije inženirji: elektro, kemijski in Microsoftov. Nenadoma se avto ustavi in inženirji se spogledujejo in sprašujejo, kaj bi lahko bilo narobe. Inženir za elektriko predlaga, da dajo elektroniko z avta in pogledajo, če je kaj narobe. Kemijski inženir, ki ne ve veliko o avtih, predlaga, da bencin mogoče postaja emulziran in nekje blokira. Takrat pa Microsoftov inženir, ki pa sploh nima pojma o avtih, pride s svojim predlogom: "Zakaj pa ne zapremo oken, gremo ven, spet nazaj noter in spet odpremo okna. Mogoče bo delovalo!?" |
| 53 | Kdo je računalniški uporabnik?
Definicija: Računalniški uporabnik je tisti, ki bolj ali manj pogosto zapravlja svoj čas s praznim buljenjem v monitor.
Novopečeni računalniški uporabnik (lamer) je tisti, ki se boji, da bo s pritiskom na tipko pokvaril računalnik.
Povprečen računalniški uporabnik je tisti, ki ne ve kako popraviti svoj računalnik, potem ko je pritisnil tipko.
Strokovnjak med računalniškimi uporabniki je tisti, ki poleg svojega kvari računalnike tudi drugim. |
| 52 | Obupan uporabnik kliče svojega guruja ...
"Kaj naj naredim: tukaj piše, naj vstavim tretji disk?" "Ja, vstaviš tretji disk, kaj je tu kaj takega!?" "Ja, ampak noter gresta samo dva, pa še to komaj ..." |
| 51 | Kako ugotovite, da je bil človek iz IBM-ove tehnične pomoči? Po odgovoru: odgovor je bil zelo hiter, 100 % natančen in totalno neuporaben. |
| 50 | Slovar računalniških izrazov:
586: Povprečen IQ, potreben, da razumete osebni računalnik.
Najnovejši PC: Vsak računalnik, ki si ga ne morete privoščiti.
Zastarel PC: Vsak računalnik, ki ga imate.
Mikrosekunda: Čas, v katerem vaš najnovejši računalnik postane zastarel.
Tipkovnica: Običajen način za ustvarjanje računalniških napak.
Miška: Naprednejša naprava, ki olajša ustvarjanje računalniških napak.
Prenosni računalnik: Naprava, s katero lahko poslovneže prisilite, da delajo doma, na počitnicah in na poslovnih potovanjih.
Sesutje diska: Tipična reakcija računalnika, ko je treba ujeti pomemben rok oddaje naročenega. |
| 49 | Kako veste, da ste zasvojeni z elektronsko pošto:
Prebudite se ob treh zjutraj, greste na stranišče, in preden se vrnete v posteljo, preverite svojo e-pošto.
Svoje otroke poimenujete Outlook, SiOL in Pikacom.
Polovico potovanja z letalom preživite s presnosnim računalnikom na kolenih, otroka pa stlačite v predal nad sedežem.
Odločite se, da boste na univerzi ostali še kakšno leto ali dve samo zaradi brezplačnega dostopa do interneta.
Kar na lepem opazite, da za vsako piko napišete com.com.
Ne morete poklicati svoje mame, ker nima modema.
Preverite svojo elektronsko pošto. Sporočilo pravi, da ni novih sporočil in preverite jo še enkrat.
Da bi se nasmehnili, nagnete glavo.
Ko preberete ta seznam, se odločite, da ga boste takoj komu poslali. |
| 48 | Bill Gates died. He was sent to the Afterlife Waiting Room. He was met by St. Peter, who asked him if he wanted to go to Heaven or Hell, and if he'd like to see them before he decided. Bill said yes, and St. Peter snapped his fingers. They appeared on a sunny beach, with people dancing, swimming, and playing volleyball. Just basically having a wonderful time. Good food, good music, good people. Bill turns to St. Peter and says: "Wow, Heaven is great!" St. Peter says: "This isn't Heaven, it's Hell. Want to see Heaven?" Mr. Gates nods yes, and they appear in a shady park, with a few old people sitting on benches feeding birds. A gentle breeze blows by, and all is quiet and serene. St. Peter asks Bill: "Well, which would you like?" Bill thinks for a minute, and says: "Well, if this is Heaven, then I'll take Hell." Instantly, he was plunged up to his neck in red-hot lava, the screams of other tortured souls filling his ears. He looks up, and sees St. Peter in the waiting room. Bill calls out to him and said: "Hey! What's going on? Where's the beach? The bikini-clad women? The party?"
St. Peter turns from his Commodore Amiga to face Bill, and says: "That was just the demo." |
| 47 | User: "Hey, can you help me? My program doesn't work."
Consultant: "What is the problem? Are you using Turbo Pascal?"
User: "Yes, the program just blocks the machine."
Consultant: "Well, does it compile?"
User: "I don't know - it just doesn't run. You see? There's the EXE file. If you run it, it blocks the machine."
Consultant: "And where is your source, the PAS file?"
User: "I wrote it and renamed it to EXE so it could run." |
| 46 | Customer: "My hard disk has a virus!"
Tech Support: "How can you tell?"
Customer: "When I type 'DIR', it says 'VIRUS <DIR>' and some date stuff." |
| 45 | Customer: "I need you to tell me what browser I am using. Is it Netscape 2.0? The reason I need to know is that I have read that Netscape 2.0 distributes a virus called Java." |
| 44 | No keyboard present found. Press F1 key to continue or press Del to enter BIOS. |
| 43 | Who is General Failure and why is he reading my disk? |
| 42 | Programerski kruh je tanek in črn ... |
| 41 | Press Esc once to exit, or Esc twice for continue. |
| 40 | Kaj se zgodi, če v programskem jeziku napišeš "fuck you"? Fatal Error: a part of hardware missing. |
| 39 | Enter any 11-digit prime number to continue. |
| 38 | BREAKFAST.SYS halted... Cereal port not responding. |
| 37 | COFFEE.SYS missing... Insert cup in cup holder and press any key. |
| 36 | CONGRESS.SYS corrupted... Re-boot Washington D. C.? (Y/N) |
| 35 | Windows message: "Error saving file! Format drive now? (Y/Y)" |
| 34 | This will end your Windows session. Do you want to play another game? |
| 33 | Bad command or file name! Go stand in the corner. |
| 32 | Close your eyes and press escape three times. |
| 31 | I was working in a computer firm when someone from the information technology group came by our office asking us to enter our passwords in the new software system. My colleague Barry with his usual rebellious attitude entered the password "Penis".
We all fell on the floor with laugher when the computer replied:
***** PASSWORD REJECTED. TOO SHORT! ***** |
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